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TAKHBIB (REACHING THE LOVE OF A HUSBAND WOMAN)
PERSPECTIVE OF IMAM IBNU KATSIR AND QURAISH SHIHAB
Nursiah¹ and Sulidar²
State Islamic University of North Sumatra Medan, Indonesia
Email: nursiyahpassa021199@gmail.com
Email: ahmad.suid@yahoo.co.id
ABSTRACT
The rise of cases of perpetrators and perpetrators in social networks has made researchers try to
examine what causes these cases to occur. And how does the view of Islamic law respond to the case.
Until the term takhbib arose in Islam. Until it is known that takhbib is an act of seducing one of the
legitimate married couples by inviting them to commit adultery, both adultery of the eyes, hands and
heart to the point of genital adultery so that the husband or wife hates their legal husband or wife.
Keywords: Takhbib, Imam Ibn Kathir, Quraish Shihab.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 CC BY-SA International License.
INTRODUCTION
Now there has been a lot of discussion on social media about the term Takhbib,
actually long before the term takhbib appeared, the phenomenon of disturbing other people's
wives or husbands, has been around for a long time, maybe even as old as human civilization.
The arrival of Islam as a religion that brings benefit to mankind. In Islamic law takhbib is
included in one of the major sins. In Islam, proposing to a woman who is still in the process
of proposing to another man is strictly prohibited, let alone bothering her, to the point where
the woman divorces her husband (El Syam 2023) . One of the negative impacts of social
media is that it can destroy harmonious family relationships. Indeed, the harmony of the
household is not directly destroyed, but it can certainly be destroyed. Of course it depends
on how the partner reacts to social media (Ardianto 2018) .
Islam has ethics in social interaction and recognition between men and women, the
stages of which are usually described as follows: First, the process of ta'aruf or introduction
first. After meeting and having an interest, it helps to study the personality, social
background, culture, education, family and religion of both parties.
Islam has set the rights and provisions in the life of husband and wife. One of the
characteristics that reflects Islamic aqeedah is the affirmation of the importance of marriage.
The only way for the longevity of living together is to have mutual respect and understanding
between the two parties, not the other way around by humiliating and humiliating each other
(Zulhabibah 2021) . However, in reality, there are still many married couples who have not
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been able to apply predetermined norms. As a result, many marriage relationships fall apart
because of the lack of application of these norms. In Islam there is never a prohibition for
someone to love another person because love is a nature given by Allah SWT. love can come
by itself without having to look for it. someone who loves can have a high degree and also
be noble in the eyes of Allah SWT, where a person can be classified as a martyr if he harbors
love but with several conditions (Rahmatika 2020) . However, if a woman or man tries to
disturb or tries to take someone else's partner, it means that he has tried to grab something
that doesn't belong to him and he could be the cause of painful things for the family he is
bothering (Rahmatika 2020) .
In marriage, men and women have the same rights and obligations as husband and
wife, namely the two are free to associate, cooperate, and consult which were previously
forbidden to them ( Chuzari 1995) . The peace of a husband in building a family with his
wife can be achieved if there is mutually beneficial cooperation between the two that is
harmonious, harmonious and balanced. As a husband who becomes a priest for his family,
he will surely feel peace when his wife does good things for her husband, and vice versa. a
husband will feel at ease, if he is able to give happiness to his wife and children (Kauma
1997) . The essence of the law of marriage is to comply with all the commands of Allah and
the Sunnah of His Messenger, namely to try to create a household life that brings benefit and
goodness to the perpetrator of the marriage itself, both for offspring, relatives and society.
Therefore, marriage is not just an inner need that only involves two people, but has external
links that involve many people or third parties (Ahmad 2015) .
Every married couple needs a strong foundation to perpetuate a marriage and one of
them is faith, love and affection between the two of them. Because if marriage is not based
on faith, love, sacrifice and tolerance then it will be meaningless. In fact, we cannot call it a
life full of romance, because if you reach for something with twists and struggles with all
your might it will feel very beautiful and enjoyable (Ulfiah 2016) . Family is the main
foundation in personality development, and marriage is the starting point for family
formation, only with a family atmosphere that is sakinah , mawadah , and warahmah ,
humans can develop their development as a whole (Roziqi and Hamid 2005) .
Marriage commitment leads husband and wife to always be loyal to their partner, so
they don't betray or have an affair. Commitment is not only obligatory by religion (in this
case what is meant is the Koran and hadith), but also all norms of life oblige husbands and
wives to always be consistent with their commitments with their partners. Thus, supposedly
or ideally, a husband and wife will never commit betrayal or infidelity to their partner, but
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in reality or in reality, infidelity still often occurs (Zulhabibah 2021) . In theory and religious
norms it has been determined that infidelity is a disgraceful act, but the fact is that in people's
lives, infidelity still often occurs. The reality shows the promise of loyalty made by the
husband when the marriage ceremony is often neglected, the husband is often tempted by
other women, so that as a result there is a love relationship that should not occur in the form
of an affair.
Takhbib emerged , or by social media users it is better known as pelakor (usurper men)
and pebinor (usurper's wife), that is, a woman who seizes a legal husband from another
woman or vice versa with the aim of wanting to have him, so that they both of them had dark
or forbidden relations, namely infidelity, which caused problems in household life and
distanced themselves from the realization of a peaceful, harmonious and happy family
(Rahmawati 2018) . Disturbing other people's households is a grave sin, which causes the
Muslim couple's household to be destroyed and scattered. It should be noted that it is a great
achievement for the devil when he is able to destroy a Muslim household which results in
divorce, so this includes helping the devil's plan to succeed (Bahrean 2018) . Then the author
tries to explain briefly how to know and understand the takhbib phenomenon and the solution
according to the Koran. And what is the view of the mufassir regarding takhbib's behavior.
The author hopes that this research can hopefully provide compassion and lessons from
the wisdom of takhbib in the perspective of the Koran. From a social perspective, this
research can also provide solutions to household problems
DISCUSSION
Takhbib
The term takhbib is not a term that has just been raised, but this term has existed since
1443 years ago from the words of the most noble person on this earth, namely Rasulullah
SAW he said:
Meaning: It is not from us that people do takhbib against a woman, so that she is against
her own husband. (Imam Abu, 2175.)
Ruining a Muslim's household is called takhbib. Takhbib etymologically is mashdar
from the word
which means deceiving or lying, according to Sheikh Abdul
Adzim eternal -rahimahullah, the definition of Takhbib is to destroy, deceive, deceive. The
intention to destroy here is to mention the badness of the husband in front of his wife or the
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goodness of another man in front of the woman "with the intention of destroying other
people's marriages, then the woman/man can marry that man (husband) or woman (wife) (
salwa 2022) .
Takhbib can also be interpreted as sexual involvement with other people who are not
their primary partner. Takhbib generally occurs in many family members who lack solid
religious qualities or have weak faith, weak foundations of love, lack of smooth and
harmonious communication, selfish attitudes from each other, less stable emotions, and less
able to make adjustments ( Fajri 2017).
The form of takhbib can be in the form of: Seducing one of the legal married couples
by inviting them to commit adultery, both adultery of the eyes, hands and heart to the point
of genital adultery so that the husband or wife hates their legal husband or wife. Gossiping
one couple to hate their partner. For example, he often mentions his husband's shortcomings
by comparing himself to other people's husbands. Even though her husband is very good and
very responsible for her, it's just that there are definitely deficiencies in her. Seducing other
people's wives by giving only superficial attention and affection, for example by chatting via
social media or telephone to trying to meet the other person's wife or husband in person.
Then the wife or husband is also affected by it, because maybe all this time he feels he is not
getting more attention from his husband or wife (Bahrean 2018) .
There are various forms of takhbib , ranging from small things like just venting, to
something fatal like having intercourse. Whether it's just venting or having sex, all of that
cannot be justified in Islamic teachings, whether it's a wife or husband doing it, and this is a
form of abuse that can fade and damage the essence of marriage. Allah commands clearly
and unequivocally for wives not to leave their husband's house, dress up and maintain the
honor of their husbands. If the wife is unable to look after him, this can open the door of
takhbib which directly leads to the door of infidelity and ends in divorce (Zulhabibah 2021)
Regarding this takhbib , according to Imam al-Sya'rani, he likens a wife who is angry
with her husband. Then, the woman came to a man with the intention of improving her
relationship with her husband. So that person is not allowed to serve food beyond his
measure or give him a living beyond what is normal. Because that sometimes makes the wife
comfortable with other than her husband and takes her husband's kindness for granted. And
if that happens then it is included in the prohibited takhbib (Syadiri 2021) .
Scholars of the Hanafi and Syafii schools are of the opinion that destroying a married
couple's relationship does not make it unlawful for the destroyer to marry the woman, in fact
it becomes lawful for her. But this destroyer is among those who have done bad things. and
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his actions are one of his acts of disobedience to Allah, and are among the worst and most
heinous sins before Allah on the Day of Resurrection" (Nasitho 2019) .
In Islamic Fatwa, the attempt to separate a woman from her husband is not only in the
form of motivating the woman to demand a divorce from her husband. What also includes
takhbib is when someone gives attention, empathy, and becomes a friend to confide in a
woman who is having problems with her family.
Translation: Damaging the wife's relationship with her husband, not only in the form of
motivating her to sue for divorce. Even the mere attempt to give empathy,
compassion, sharing feelings, and all the reasons that make a woman fall in
love with you, is a serious form of (family) damage, and the most cunning
effort one can possibly make (Anwar and Amir Al jazzar Al Baaz 2015).
In this hadith, Rasulullah SAW forbade doing takhbib on a married woman. By trying
to deceive and damage him so that he no longer loves and has good morals towards his
husband, and by trying to seduce that person's wife to divorce her husband, so that she can
marry him or be married to a man other than herself (Syadiri 2021 ) . Imam Ibn Hajar al-
Haitami in his book az-Zawajir said that, doing takhbib to women who already have
husbands is a big sin. According to him, many scholars also revealed that doing takhbib to
someone's husband is also a big sin (Syadiri 2021) . Due to the magnitude of the sin of
takhbib , Syaikhul Islam forbade being the mammum behind the imam who performs takhbib
, so he can marry the woman. Imam ad-Dzahabi also included in the book al-Kabair , that
takhbib is also a big sin that must be avoided (Syamsuddin Adz-Dzahabi 1992)
Factors triggering the emergence of Takhbib
Takhbib behavior in Islam is due to one's low faith. However, according to (Ulfiah
2016) , there are seventeen reasons that can be put forward for women who do Takhbib .
a. Lonely
b. Inability to communicate with partners regarding various issues
c. Not feeling wanted enough by their partner
d. Lack of appreciation from husband / wife
e. Husband is too busy with himself
f. Lack of romance and excitement in bed
g. Need to escape from the routine of life
h. Want to feel as powerful in your personal life as you do in work
i. Bored with routine
j. Opportunity present at the right time
k. Revenge (for being betrayed)
l. Want to be privileged
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m. Get away from violence
n. Get away from the bland atmosphere
o. Fulfilling sexual needs
p. The partner is in trouble
q. Bored
The arguments related to takhbib behavior
Takhbib behavior has been warned by Allah in the Koran with several verses, one
example Allah SWT says in surah At-Tahrim verse 6:
Meaning: O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from the fires of hell
whose fuel is humans and stones; guardians of angels who are rough, harsh, and
do not disobey Allah in what He commands them and always do what they are
ordered to (Zulhabibah 2021) .
Then the researcher also includes two views of the commentators regarding takhbib:
From the verse above, Imam ibn Katsir explained about the words of Allah SWT, "
Protect yourself and your family from the pain of hell fire," Mujahid said: "Be fearful of
Allah and instruct your family to fear Allah SWT". Meanwhile Qatadah stated that, you
should order them to obey Allah and prevent them from disobeying Him. And you must
carry out Allah's commands to them and command them to carry them out, and help them to
carry them out. If you see them disobedience to Allah, warn them and prevent them from
doing it. This was also narrated by adh-Dhahhak and Muqatilbin Hayyan where they said:
"It is the duty of every Muslim to educate his family, including his relatives and slaves, about
various matters relating to what Allah Ta'ala has made obligatory upon them and what is
forbidden- His (Imam ibn Kathir 2005) .
Not much different from I mam ibn katsir, Quraish Shihab said: regarding the incident
that occurred at the prophet's house as explained in the previous verses, the verse above
instructs believers that: "O you believers, take care of yourself, including obedience to the
prophet, and also take care of your family, namely your wife, children, and all those under
your care, guide and educate them so that you are all saved from the fires of hell whose fuel
is infidel humans and stones/idols that make them polytheists. Those dealing with hell and
responsible for tormenting its inhabitants are angels who are brutal in heart and deed, those
who are harsh in their actions in carrying out their duty of torment. Who will never disobey
Allah and obey in what has been ordered to them, therefore the punishment they give, even
though it is severe, is not less or greater than what Allah commands, which is in accordance
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with the sins and crimes of every inhabitant of hell, and they also will easily do it always
from time to time what Allah has commanded them (M. Quraish Shihab 2003) .
The solution to overcoming takhbib
1. Know the root of the problem. If couples want to find a solution to a problem, they
must position themselves as a source of conflict and be able to behave towards
conflicting partners. They also need to know the source of the problem so that they
can then decide on a way out (Muhammad Farih Fanani 2022) .
2. Husbands must be aware. Second, husbands must realize that a wife's character is
somewhat abnormal. That is the nature of nature given by God. women can change
their behavior if they accept correction from men well, and husbands must also be
able to control their wives properly according to the teachings of the sunnah
Rasulullah SAW (Muhammad Farih Fanani 2022)
3. Knowing position. Many men find women who are smarter than them. this does not
mean that the husband can use his wife as he pleases. The nature of a man is to lead
and take good care of his wife, and that cannot be changed. Therefore, a husband
must be able to give good advice to his wife (Muhammad Farih Fanani 2022) .
4. Protecting Destiny man is a leader, so he must protect and protect his woman well.
In addition, he must also be able to control himself. the way he protects his wife also
must not harm his wife, he must be able to love and care for his wife wisely. It is
hoped that this can change the mindset of wives and husbands for the better.
The Qur'an has also warned before Takhbib happened. Allah instructs every household
to pay attention to all the lines that are the gaps in happiness and misery in their family. Satan
will never be happy with a harmonious household, he will always make fun of and try to
tempt family members to move his most successful goals, namely divorce (Zulhabibah 2021)
From the solutions described above, the meaning is that Allah SWT commands you to
take care of yourself and your family by doing what is ordered to you and staying away from
what is prohibited for you. With the Koran as a guide for you to stay away from Takhbib's
behavior, and one example of the verse is Qs. An-nisa verse 35 "When bad deeds occur, it
shows that the wife or husband behaves like Nusyuz (attitude of not submitting to Allah to
obey husbands), is arrogant, begins to neglect his duties, shows signs of separation and
belittles each other's rights and denial of each other's priorities, and if both husband and wife
are no longer able to solve it, it is necessary to involve a trusted third party to help them
(Zulhabibah 2021) .
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CONCLUSION
Islam came as a religion of mercy and guidance for believers. And Islam has set the
rights and provisions in the life of husband and wife in order to achieve happiness in the
world and the hereafter. And Islam also has ethics in social interaction and recognition
between men and women in order to maintain the boundaries that have been set specify. In
in Islam there is never a prohibition for someone to love another person because love is a
natural fitrah give Allah SWT. But Allah strictly forbids if someone is willing to destroy
other people's happiness for the sake of someone in the name of his love. In fact, he actually
destroys the definition of love itself.
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